


Chaos and Calm

by spinner33



Series: CM - Close to Canon [40]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 02:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5357417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinner33/pseuds/spinner33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack takes drastic measures to bring Reid home from Vegas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

It was 5 a.m. when Reid’s cell phone rang. He was sitting in the chair by the hotel bed, watching the sunrise outside his window. At first he didn’t respond to the phone – he was lost in thought. It was fair to say he was wallowing in misery. On the third ring, he pushed his thoughts aside. If someone was trying to reach him at this hour, it had to be important. He picked up the phone, and pulled it to his ear.

“Did I wake you?” Hotch asked, his voice full of stress. Were those sirens going off behind him? Was Aaron already at a crime scene this early in the morning? Lucky bastard.

“No,” Reid replied gently. He felt a longing in his chest, a homesickness, not just for Hotch, but for the excitement and adrenaline-rush that always flooded his system when they first arrived at a new scene to investigate.

“I’m sorry to get you up,” Aaron chuckled nervously. Spencer didn’t dispute him. Hotch was in a rush. “Could you grab the next flight home? We have a situation here. I need your help.”

“I have to have Strauss’s permission to join you on a case,” Reid reminded Hotch. Quiet resentment made his voice brittle. The FBI’s internal investigation of Doug Eberhard’s death remained on-going, and thus Reid remained on administrative leave.

“It’s not a case. It’s Jack,” Hotch put the words out there with a tremble in his voice. Spencer was instantly electrified with fear.

“I’ll be on the next flight,” Reid said, hanging up the phone.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid was back in DC by 3 p.m., which was phenomenal considering the long flight and the two-hour time difference. He raced through the airport, pulling out his cell phone to call Hotch as he went to gather his checked bag at the luggage carousel.

“Hi. It’s me. I’m back,” Reid panted.

“I know. I’m looking at you,” Hotch rumbled, not without a faint hint of amusement in his deep voice. Reid spun around, his eyes darting left, right, up, down.

Aaron was standing next to a large support column. Hotch folded his cell phone away, tucking it in his pocket. Reid tucked his phone away as well. Spencer had probably walked right past him in order to get to the luggage.

Reid sighed with relief when he saw Jack standing next to Hotch, hiding behind Hotch’s legs, actually, peering nervously around his father and staring with big, scared eyes at Reid. Spencer forgot about his luggage for a moment and hurried over. As he got closer, he sensed that something had happened. Hotch looked ruffled and unkempt, not his usual, immaculate self. Jack’s right hand was wrapped in bandages, and he had obviously been crying.

The closer Reid got, the more scared Jack looked.

Reid wrapped both arms around Hotch and held onto him, wondering why he smelled burnt wood in Aaron’s hair. Had he been standing near a fire this morning when he called? Aaron didn’t say a word, but he gently released Reid from the hug and stepped slowly aside so that his son became the focus of Reid’s concern. Jack stuffed his uninjured hand to his mouth, and tears welled in his big brown eyes as he gazed up at Reid.

“Jack, buddy, what happened?” Reid asked softly, kneeling down and putting his arms around Jack, kissing the little boy gently on the forehead. His first fear had been that Jack had been kidnapped.

Seeing that was not the case, he studied Jack’s bandaged hand, and put that together with the scent of burnt wood and soot, and he wondered briefly if Hotch and Jack had had an accident during a camping trip? Or maybe Jack had built a fire in the woods on the far back of their property?

“It was an accident,” Jack howled, taking a deep breath and beginning to cry loudly.

“Jack,” Hotch murmured deeply.

Reid lifted Jack up and held him close, quieting his sobbing as well as he could. He wondered about the air of annoyance on Hotch’s part, so unlike Aaron when it came to Jack.

“Whatever it is, we can fix it,” Spencer promised Jack.

“Can’t…fix…it,” Jack sobbed brokenly.

“Let’s go home and find out, hmm?” Reid asked, kissing Jack’s cheek as the child clung tight to him and continued to cry.

“Jonathan Brooks Hotchner, you better start talking,” Hotch warned, stepping away, headed towards the baggage carousel to get Reid’s big suitcase. Reid gave Hotch half a glance, amazed by his tone. It was clear Hotch was angry with Jack. Reid turned his attention back to the boy, who was giving him another dose of those innocent brown eyes.

“What happened, honey?” Reid asked.

“I burned down the house,” Jack blurted, clasping both hands over his mouth again. He wanted to take the words back the second he had said them. Reid blinked at Jack, and a completely-inappropriate smile that sprung up on his face.

“The whole house?” Spencer questioned, his voice rising high. Was Jack kidding? The child looked plainly terrified, of Reid and of Hotch even more so. What in the hell was going on?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident,” Jack insisted.

“Oops,” Spencer whispered unsurely. Was Jack serious? Hotch was standing next to them again, and he was frowning. Aaron gave Jack a stern stare, and then turned that disgruntled look on Reid.

“It was an accident,” Jack repeated. He put his head on Reid’s shoulder. “Do you still love me?” he worried.

“Jack?! Of course I still love you. Where’s Goody?” Reid shivered.

Hotch’s face filled with sympathy. Reid froze with horror, imagining the worst. 

“Goody is fine. Spaulding has him at the moment. She volunteered to cat-sit for us. He’s fine,” Hotch stressed, patting Spencer’s arm.

“So, Jack, did you burn down the whole house?” Reid asked Jack, his voice betraying the inappropriate humor that was welling up inside him again. He tried in vain to hide his smile, because it was making Hotch’s dark, deep eyes get more and more narrow. Mostly Spencer was relieved to know that nobody had been hurt. And frankly it didn’t seem very real. Maybe he had been the victim of so many pranks over the years that he could imagine for the moment that this whole entire episode might have been a complex practical joke.

“It’s not a total loss,” Hotch began. With those words, Spencer finally understood that this was not a prank, that something serious had actually happened. Reid tilted his head, rubbing his cheek against Jack’s hair.

“Do you still love me?” Jack asked again. 

“Of course I do,” Reid reassured him.

Hotch heaved up an impatience sigh, and actually started to babble. “The kitchen is gone, and the laundry room floor fell through. We’ll have to examine the guest rooms and decide what we can save. Jack’s room too. The fire engines were quick to respond. There’s structural damage, surely. Electrical damage. It’s repairable, but I’m afraid we’ll have to stay elsewhere while repairs are being done.”

“How did you hurt your hand?” Reid asked Jack. Hotch’s son did not answer. He bit his bottom lip and gave his father a frightened, dart of a glance. Spencer took the small bandaged extremity, and kissed each finger one at a time, tucking them to his heart, rocking Jack side to side gently.

“He burned himself while he was setting the fire,” Hotch interjected when Jack said nothing. It was all Reid could do not to smile wider when Jack gave Hotch a miniature version of his own sour frown.

“Will you be okay?” Reid asked Jack. The child did not respond. “Don’t worry, honey. We can fix the house. It’s okay.”

Hotch stared hard at Reid, centering his boiling anger there. Spencer knew from that look that if there hadn’t been a child present, Aaron would have been muttering a streak of curse words a mile long.

“Is that all you have to say?” Aaron rumbled. Spencer wasn’t sure if he was talking to Jack or to him, because he was staring hard at both of them, and he was not a happy camper.

“Let’s grab some dinner?” Reid suggested timidly. “Are you hungry?” he asked Jack.

“Don’t you want to go see the damage first?” Hotch asked, his voice getting deeper and more malevolent by the second.

“Nope,” Reid decided. He wasn’t so sure he even wanted to get in the car with Hotch when he was this angry. He was of half a mind to call a taxi and take Jack with him until Hotch cooled off. But take him where, that was the question. And getting right down to it, if he was to take Jack anywhere without Hotch's permission, it would essentially be considered kidnapping. So no taxi, Reid decided.

“It was an accident,” Jack repeated, holding onto Reid.

“I believe you, honey. Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay,” Spencer replied. He cast a cautious glance sideways. If Hotch frowned any harder, his face was going to shatter.


	3. Chapter 3

“Look, I know you’re new to parenting, but you need to learn where to draw the line between being Jack’s friend and being Jack’s parent,” Hotch said sternly.

Reid snickered and gave Hotch a disdainful look. He was well aware that Aaron had been saving up that opening line for three hours, and his lover was absolutely spoiling for a fight. After dinner, through which Hotch said all of about two words, Hotch had driven Reid straight back here to the house. Now that Jack was asleep in the back seat of Hotch’s SUV in the driveway, Aaron was determined he was going to speak his mind, and Reid was going to listen to what he had to say. Reid wasn't sure how to diffuse Hotch's anger, but he would come up with something.

The house was not as bad as Reid had pictured. The fire had started in the kitchen and moved up the back of the structure. The kitchen had been gutted, and thus also the laundry room, which was above it. In fact, the burned-out hulks of metal that must be the washer and the dryer were sitting in what was left of the kitchen. The rear guest rooms had water damage. Hotch and Reid might have to take down a couple of the trees at the back of the house, because they had been burned and scorched along their surfaces and limbs. Jack’s pirate ship playset was going to need a coat of paint and a bit of touch-up. It was bad, but not as bad as Reid had imagined.

Hotch and Reid were leaning against the bow of Jack’s pirate ship, staring at the space in the house where the kitchen had been.

“What do you want me to say, Hotch?” Reid asked with a defeated shrug.

“ ‘Oops’ is not an appropriate response when your son tells you he burned down the house,” Hotch continued angrily.

Spencer reached over and took one of Aaron’s hands, silently curling their fingers together. The gentle touch seemed to deflate Hotch. It was more than anger bothering him though -- he was embarrassed, and frightened, and ashamed as well. Had he been expecting, or hoping for, Reid to explode with anger at Jack? Express the things he himself hadn't been able to say for fear of alienating Jack's affections?

“Reid, you can’t let this slide. It’s very serious,” Aaron insisted, but with much less force than before.

“I understand. But this can be fixed,” Reid whispered.

“It’ll take weeks to repair,” Hotch moaned.

“Nothing is as important as the fact that you are safe, and Jack is safe, and Goody is safe too,” Reid murmured. “It’ll be okay,” Reid murmured. Hotch snorted damply, and brushed his other hand over his nose and mouth. He let go of Reid’s hand and stepped a few feet away.

“How was Las Vegas? How's your mom?” Hotch growled from a distance asked, staring at the house. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away.

“I visited her three days in a row, and she had no idea who I was.” 

“Is that normal?” Hotch wondered.

“She’s having fewer and fewer lucid days – she’s spending her life in her own world now. Her doctors aren’t sure if she’s coming back this time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hotch, for what it’s worth, I’m sure Jack didn’t mean for this to happen," Reid said, clearly not wanting to delve into the problems with his mother right at the moment. Hotch was staring up at the stars above. “Do you wanna talk?” Reid asked, coming over to stand next to Hotch again, resting his hand on Hotch’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispered. 

“For what?”

Hotch shook his head, managing a quiet chuckle, pointing towards the ruined house.

“The house, Reid. I’m sorry Jack burned down the house.”

“The way the last three days have gone? Hell, the way that last few weeks have gone, this is not a big deal. It’s not the whole house. It’s the kitchen and the laundry room. Water damage to the guest rooms. It’s fine. We can fix it. What matters to me is that you’re okay. Why don’t you tell me how it happened?”

“I examined the scene after the fire was out. Jack poured cooking oil all over the counters, on the floor, around the kitchen, then turned on every burner on the stove. You could see the distinct burn marks from the use of an accelerant. I woke up to fire alarms, smoke, and Jack screaming, and I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

Reid slid around to face Hotch, folding him into a gentle embrace. 

“It’ll be okay,” Reid insisted.

“You don’t understand, do you? Jack burned down the house to get you to come home,” Aaron said.

“Don’t be absurd,” Reid chided, pulling back and giving Hotch a stern stare.

“All he has talked about since you went to Vegas was when you were coming home. Then he does this? He kept telling me it was an accident, that he wanted to make pancakes, but there wasn’t any indication of food preparation,” Hotch mumbled as he shook his head. “Where in the world did he learn how to set a fire like that?”

“Indiana Jones,” Reid replied. Aaron gave him a disbelieving look. “Remember? We were watching Raiders a couple weeks ago. The fight at the bar? You must remember. Indy is pinned down to the wood, and he asks for whiskey. Pours out the liquor on the bar. Then puts fire to it.”

Hotch paused to think, and began to slowly shake his head.

“Jack burned himself when he turned on the stove. He could have died,” Hotch shivered. Spencer nuzzled Hotch’s cheek and smiled faintly. “What is so funny?” Aaron rumbled.

“You never liked that kitchen. Admit it. Part of you is already thinking about new cabinets, a new stove, a bigger fridge, and any color but bright green, I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t know what the insurance is going to cover,” Hotch shook his head.

“We’ll manage,” Reid promised.

“It’s not safe for Jack or Goody to stay here while it’s being fixed,” Hotch murmured. “I found us a temporary place. Hope you don’t mind that I took the initiative.”

“No,” Reid smiled faintly. Frankly he would have been astonished if Hotch hadn’t already found a place for them.

“Tomorrow, I want you to talk to Jack. Don’t make a joke of it,” Hotch said sternly. “Talk to him.”

“Tomorrow I will talk to Jack,” Reid promised.

“I’m going to get him back into therapy. This is serious – arson at this age. He’s not even seven. What am I going to do?”

“Let me talk to him.”

“This is my fault. I know it is. I’ve been away too much. I haven’t acknowledged the impact Haley’s death had on him, or the divorce before that, all the moving around, all the different people he’s had to adjust to. I’m sure it’s been jarring for him. I’m sure he’s been confused. I kept telling myself he was too young to remember it all, that he would bounce back because kids have the ability to heal from trauma, even more so than adults, but I’ve been kidding myself all along.”

“I’m sure…I’m sure our relationship hasn’t been easy for him to adjust to either, all the ups-and-downs of that,” Reid offered. Hotch shook his head no emphatically.

“Reid…..oh my God. You don’t get it, do you? Don’t you see? You and me – us – this last year? That’s the most stability Jack has ever had. That’s why he did this. He doesn’t want to lose you.” 

“Why he did what?”

“He set the house on fire to get you to come home. He wanted to make sure you were coming back, and so…so he…took matters into his own hands. Oh my God. My son is two steps into the McDonald Triad,” Hotch motioned to the house and shook his head in despair. Reid took both of his arms and turned him around.

“Whoa. Stop. Aaron, listen to me. Jack is six. He sometimes wets the bed. That’s perfectly normal at his age. He has never been even remotely harmful to animals. He was scared to even touch the goats at the petting zoo. And this, this, I’m sure it’s an isolated incident. Let me talk to Jack before you decide he’s a danger to society. What were you like at his age? What kind of trouble were you getting into?”

“I wasn’t burning down houses,” Hotch whispered tightly.

“No, because your father was beating the daylights out of you if you did anything but sit still and be quiet. It's normal for children to misbehave. Jack is a creative and intelligent boy, and he’s bound to get into mischief.”

“This isn’t mischief,” Hotch whispered. “This is a crime.”

“When I was six, I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to go see my grandmother. I crept into my parent’s room. I stole my dad’s car keys off the table. I climbed into his thirty-thousand dollar Mercedes convertible, put the top down, put a cushion on the seat, and put a brick on the gas pedal. I backed out of the driveway, and drove from Las Vegas to Boulder City to visit my grandmother. I was a block from Granny’s house when I got stopped by the Boulder City sheriff. Do you want to know what finally got me pulled over? Failure to use my turn signal.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Hotch murmured, rubbing a hand through his hair, giving a short laugh, picturing a very small Reid behind the wheel of a Mercedes.

“Can I talk to Jack before you decide he’s already a hardened criminal?”

“Tomorrow. Breakfast. I mean it,” Hotch muttered. He waited a second, then asked, “Was your dad mad?”

“I couldn’t sit down for a week,” Reid replied.

“What did your mom say?” Hotch wondered. Reid snorted.

“She gave me the Nevada Drivers Handbook and told me to be more careful next time,” Reid replied as a look of extreme sadness crossed his face. Hotch hugged Reid and stared at the house again.

"I did hate that kitchen," Aaron admitted finally. Reid's smile returned.


	4. Chapter 4

Hotch wasn’t sure what had startled him, only that he had been sound asleep one second, and then wide awake the next second. He felt a prickle on the back of his neck, and he was fully alert, and convinced that someone unexpected was in the house. Then he remembered he wasn’t in the house. He pulled himself up on the side of the strange bed, and felt across the covers. Reid was not beside him. The room was cold and lonely without Spencer there.

The door to their bedroom was open. The patterns of light on the walls and on the carpeted floor felt weird. The whole situation felt weird. There were strange noises – foot traffic, laughter, cars roaring down the streets. Maybe getting a temporary apartment in the city had been a bad idea. Hotch stood up and pulled on a robe, made a mental note that they would find a different temporary habitat tomorrow (today?). They needed to go shopping today and get some clothes for Jack, and toys too. Jack was also going to need supplies.

His school would be starting again soon. Hotch reminded himself that first thing, very first thing, he needed to find a good child therapist. Jessica would be able to recommend someone.

Aaron wandered down the unfamiliar hallway, stopping at Jack’s open room to peer inside. The bed was empty. Jack was gone too. For a second, his heart filled with panic. But there were strange blue lights coming from the other end of the small apartment. Two voices were talking softly to each other. Hotch sighed and headed slowly, stealthily in that direction, assuming correctly that that must be where Reid and Jack had gone.

The tv was on in the front room, but the sound was down low. There were two lumps on the divan, one small lump leaning against a larger lump. On the screen, dinosaurs were tramping around a jungle setting. Green lush leaves and bright yellow eyes filled the frame.

“Are we still friends? Can I sit in your lap, Papa?” Jack asked softly. Reid opened up his arms and lifted his blanket. Jack jumped off the divan, climbed inside the circle of Spencer’s arms and got comfortable on his thin lap.

“Jack, we will always be friends. Are you sleepy again? Do you want to talk some more?” Reid asked.

“A little sleepy,” Jack yawned. “Don’t want to talk any more.” 

“Okay. Do you want me to turn the tv off?” Reid whispered. 

"No. I like to listen.”

“You don’t want to have nightmares.” 

“Do dinosaurs give you scary dreams?” 

“No,” Reid replied.

“What gives you scary dreams?” Jack asked.

“My mom.”

“Do you ever dream about the bad guys that you and Daddy chase?”

“Yes, I dream about them too. Do you ever dream about your mom?”

“Sometimes,” Jack echoed. “I dreamed once that we were driving, and I had to take the wheel because Mom was sick. I crawled into the front seat, and then she was lying in the back seat, cold and not moving, like at the funeral, and I grabbed the wheel, and I kept driving.”

Spencer paused. He was analyzing what Jack had said before he replied. “Do you want more M & M’s?” he asked, rattling the plastic yellow bag.

“No. My stomach kinda hurts,” Jack winced.

“Mine too,” Reid admitted, folding up the package and putting it aside on the table next to the divan.

“I’m glad you’re home,” Jack said, staring up at Spencer.

“Me too,” Reid replied. Hotch could hear the relief and warmth in his tone.

“Did you have fun in Las Vegas with your mom?” 

“No,” Reid said sadly.

“Not even a little fun?”

“Nope. Not even a teeny tiny bit of fun.” 

“Was she mean to you?”

“Not on purpose.”

“I like this part,” Jack said, pointing to the screen. Small raptors were prowling around between trees, then dodging across the single lane road around the vehicles that were speeding past them.

“Do you think dinosaurs would chase cars?” Reid asked quietly.

“You mean like dogs do? Bobby's dog chases cars. Blue cars. He doesn't like blue cars. No one knows why.”

“I bet dinosaurs would chase after cars, nip at their back bumpers, try to bite their tires," Reid said. Jack shrugged.

“Maybe they would."

"Like Godzilla eating train cars," Reid nodded. 

"Who's Godzilla?" Jack asked.

Reid turned his head and smiled into the darkness. Jack jolted with surprise when Hotch moved into the halo of blue light from the tv.

“Hi, Daddy,” Jack murmured unenthusiastically.

“Why aren't you two asleep? It’s one in the morning,” Hotch complained in a disgruntled whisper. Reid opened one arm to the side, and Aaron happily took the invitation, scooting in under the covers, sharing the blanket with Spencer. Jack gave Hotch a tentative glance, and rested his head on Reid’s chest. Hotch put his arms around both of them, and focused his eyes on the tv screen as a means by which to watch both of them without watching them overtly.

“We couldn’t sleep,” Reid murmured. 

“Mm hmm,” Hotch nodded.

“We’ve been talking,” Reid offered. 

“Mm hmm,” Hotch nodded.

“Jack has something he wants to say to you.”

“He does?” Hotch questioned. Reid prompted Jack with a gentle nudge.

“Daddy, I’m sorry about the kitchen, and I won’t do it again, ever,” Jack said solemnly and quietly.

“Well, okay, buddy. I’m glad to hear that.” Clearly Hotch had missed the earlier part of their conversation. That was probably for the best. They probably wouldn’t have been able to talk openly if he had been there. How long had they been sitting awake in here?

“And when I grow up, I won’t be a dangerous criminal, I swear I won't,” Jack continued.

“I’m glad to hear that too,” Hotch smiled slowly.

“Papa said you were worried I would wind up in jail, with lots of tattoos and piercings like the lady at the coffee shop.”

“I am very worried about you,” Hotch admitted, though he was sure he hadn’t mentioned tattoos or the lady at the coffee shop.

“I won’t grow up to be a bad guy. I promise. When I’m older, I’m going to fight bad guys, just like you and Papa do.”

“That would make me very proud,” Hotch smiled a little wider. Reid patted Hotch’s side to get his attention.

“Jack wants to come to Vegas with me. I said I would ask you first. The Natural History Museum there has an excellent dinosaur exhibit,” Reid interjected.

“As long as it doesn’t interfere with school,” Hotch agreed.

"I can't believe you have never watched Godzilla movies together," Reid added, tisking in disapproval.

"Guess I know what you're putting on Netflix next," Hotch smirked.

“Do you want some M & M’s?” Jack asked, pointing to the table. “Papa had them in his luggage. His books smashed them, but they taste okay. We ate the red ones and the brown ones.”

“No, thanks,” Hotch frowned, shaking his head. Reid was fighting a thin smile.

“Okay,” Jack whispered, and with that, he rested his head on Reid again, closing his eyes.

Aaron caught Spencer’s gaze, and bent close to nuzzle his forehead. They fell into silence, both of them focused on their private thoughts. Reid’s eyes were drooping like Jack’s had been.

It was Wednesday. No, Thursday, Hotch realized. This was Thursday morning. Aaron and Jack had dropped Reid off at the airport only four days ago. The visit to Las Vegas had obviously not gone as planned. Reid seemed almost relieved for a reason to come back home quickly, though surely he would have preferred another reason besides the one he had been given.

Hotch shuddered. He decided in retrospect that he would have handled this situation so much differently than he had. He would have told Reid everything right away on the phone instead of worrying him for more than seven hours. He would have told him everyone was okay, including Goody. He would not have been so brusque either. He burned with embarrassment when he thought about how angry he had been last night through dinner. He didn't want to sleep apart in the same bed with Reid. It brought back too many memories of sleeping in the same bed with Haley when she was angry with him.

Hotch shook away the thoughts of Haley, and the inevitable pain that went with them. Unbeknownst to Spencer, Hotch had been storing some of Haley’s things in the back guest bedroom, those pieces of her that he had never been able to part with – her favorite clothes, her books, her pictures. Her wedding dress. Had it been damaged by the fire or the water? Hotch hadn’t been able to look yet. He couldn't stomach it yet. His chest ached at the thought that once again, he had let Haley down, not only by failing to protect these tiny vestiges of her, these remembrances, but by failing to be a good father to Jack. Sons with good fathers did not burn down houses to get attention.

Looking for escape from his private thoughts, Hotch stared at Reid as Spencer’s eyes drooped once more. Now that Aaron had a chance to get a good look at Reid, he decided that Spencer was emotionally exhausted. This wasn’t about the house fire though. Reid had arrived back in DC looking vulnerable and alone. Hotch had been so distracted with the fire that it was only now sinking in on him how tired Reid looked.

Spencer felt those dark eyes boring into him. He shyly met Hotch’s inquisitive gaze.

“Did I mention tattoos?” Hotch whispered.

Reid snickered moistly – it was almost a snivel – and he buried his face in Hotch’s neck. Spencer inhaled the faint hint of Aaron’s cologne. Even after two showers, the smell of smoke and old wood lingered in Hotch’s hair. No matter. Being in Hotch’s arms again filled Reid with calmness and a sense of security that no one else gave him.

There was no need for more words. Aaron regretted trying to be funny. He winced, hoping Reid didn’t get angry or emotional. At least Hotch had a good grip on him, and he wasn’t going to storm away. Reid didn’t say anything else, but the way he pressed himself into Hotch’s form, Aaron could tell that Reid was glad to be home too.

“Do you want to talk about Vegas? About your mom?” Hotch whispered.

Reid shook his head no. He kept his face buried, breathing in and out slowly in the silence between Hotch’s questions.

“I can see you’re upset. Tell me what’s wrong,” Hotch whispered. Reid shrugged both shoulders, at a loss for words. He pushed his unruly hair out of his face and put his arm back around Hotch’s waist.

“Can we talk about it tomorrow? I’ll only ramble incoherently if I talk about it now. I need to sleep. I can’t…. I can’t think about it tonight. It’s all I can think about though. That’s why I’m awake. But no more tonight.”

“Is your mom okay?” Hotch asked, diving right for the heart of the matter.

“No,” Reid murmured softly, his voice sounding lost and alone. Dread settled in Hotch’s stomach like bad take-out.

“Talk to me,” Hotch pleaded.

“I don’t know where to start,” Reid said, defeated. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Mom had no idea who I was. I visited three days in a row, and she didn’t recognize me once. The third morning, she asked why I kept coming to see her.”

“What did you say?” Hotch asked.

“I told her I was her son, and she said that was impossible. She told me her son was dead,” Reid murmured.

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron said, feeling futile and helpless. He stroked down Spencer’s spine and rubbed the small of his back.

“It’s so difficult to watch her go through this, knowing she’s slipping away, and no matter what she does, she can’t fix it, and I can’t fix it either. I want to help, but there’s nothing I can do. We’ve tried everything out there, standard treatment plans, alternate treatment plans, alternate therapies, new doctors, old doctors, traditional medicine, holistic medicine. Nothing is helping. She’s slipping away into her own world, and I’m worried she’s never coming back.”

“I know,” Aaron soothed.

“I’m so accustomed to playing along with her delusions, hoping to make her feel more stable, but when she said that, I didn’t know how to react,” Reid whispered. “I had to get up and leave the room, because I didn’t want to get upset in front of her. I feel so guilty that I’m not there with her. There are so many things I want to say to her, and I’m afraid I’m not going to have the chance.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty. You’re doing everything you can.”

“I swear, if I ever find out I’m going to wind up like my mom, I won’t put you through what I’ve been through with her. I’ll kill myself first.”

“Shh. Don’t talk like that,” Hotch whispered. Reid forced himself to pull his emotions into check.

“The doctors decided it would be best for my mom if I didn’t visit, at least for now, at least until they can find out why she thinks I’m dead.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I think it’s exactly the wrong approach. I’m worried that not seeing me in person will only feed her delusion that I’m dead,” Reid admitted. “But I’ll do as they ask, because they want to help her, and they do have her best interests at heart.”

“How can I help?” Hotch asked. 

“Nothing can be done.”

“How can I help you?” Hotch clarified.

“I’ll be all right in the morning. I’ve been awake for almost thirty-six hours. Time for some rest, that’s all.” Hotch nuzzled Reid’s forehead again. “You’re so good to me,” Spencer murmured. “I want you to know how special you are. If I don’t always tell you, if I don’t always show my gratitude, please never doubt that you are what keeps me going. Never doubt that you are my world,” he confessed. 

“You don’t have to say that,” Aaron blushed.

“But I want to say this to you now, in case someday, I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Hotch, we both have to acknowledge the possibility that I will develop the same schizophrenia that my mother has. Pretending won’t make it any less likely to happen.”

“It’s also equally possible that you won’t develop the same illness. You need to stop acting as if you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“Do you think my mother chose to develop schizophrenia?” 

“No, but I do think there are times when you are driving yourself crazy, living in fear that you’re going to wind up the same way she is. You’re so frightened, over-analyzing everything you do, that you’re making yourself frantic over this. It might happen, and it might not. You don’t know for sure. It’s not set in stone.”

“If I didn’t have you and Jack to come home to, I wouldn’t have come back,” Reid admitted.

“Where would you have gone?” Hotch wondered.

Reid stared away, and absently rubbed the scars in crook of his left elbow.

Aaron gasped, scolding him even while gently nuzzling his ear. “Don’t talk like that. Ever. I won’t let that happen to you again.”

Reid gave a sad sigh, and leaned into Hotch.

“Please don’t be mad when I’m weak. Please don’t be disappointed in me,” he begged.

“I am not mad at you, and you are not weak. You have weak moments. We all do.” 

“You don’t.”

“I do so,” Hotch insisted. “Listen to me. I will always be by your side, and I will love you no matter what. I will not sit by and let you slip back into self-destruction. I will fight you every step of the way. I will win too. I’m stubborn that way.”

“I believe you,” Reid replied, trembling. “Thank you for being here for me. If I didn’t have you here, I don’t know what I would have done,” he whispered, shaking his head.

Aaron dotted kisses on Reid’s hair and his cheek, and held on tight in the overwhelming silence. He rocked Spencer and Jack together. Where he might have failed to protect Haley, he would never fail to protect Jack or Reid. 

“How can I help?” Aaron asked. Reid closed his eyes. 

“Tell me about work,” he whispered.

“You don’t want to know,” Hotch snorted.

“Yes, I do,” Reid promised. “I want to hear about something normal. Tell me about work. Tell me about your cases right now.”

“Normal? Like Professor Tichenor? He’s been chaining college girls up in his basement? That kind of normal?”

Reid gave a grim sigh, shaking his head.

“Or maybe normal like Mrs. Finney, who has quietly poisoned three husbands, two children, twelve family pets, and a host of pigeons over the last thirty years? I get to go interview her tomorrow. Oh, the joy.”

“Mmm,” Reid hummed, more than vaguely dismayed. “Nevermind.”

“Close your eyes. Get some rest,” Hotch whispered. He reached over for the remote, turning off the tv. Jack woke up with a start.

“Go back to sleep, buddy,” Aaron soothed, petting his son’s hair. Jack mumbled, but he went right back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

They were all awake too early the next morning – too early for Hotch to get ready for work yet. Reid sat staring at the ceiling, an unsettled look about him, probably because of the way he had slept the last few hours, sitting upright with Jack on his ribs and Hotch curled against his spine.

Hotch got up from the divan and went to the kitchen, hoping he could figure out how to work the antediluvian coffee maker. It was a partially-furnished apartment, but the parts that were furnished seemed strange and random. Hotch decided he was getting another place as quickly as possible, a quieter place with more room and less noise.

Reid’s cell phone ringing made them both jump, but Spencer made no move to pick it up. Whoever it was could leave a message this time, early hour or not.

Jack was making tons of noise in the bathroom – chirpy, happy noises. Reid unraveled his spine, and slouched down into the contours of the divan, with his head propped up on the back. A happy smile traced his face from one side to the other as he listened to Jack playing.

A trail of small, green army soldiers were lined up between Jack’s bedroom and the bathroom door. Reid had purchased the bag of soldiers last night when they had stopped at the store for basic toiletries, coffee, cereal, sugar, and milk. Every now and then, a small hand would dart out and knock over a soldier, and Jack would make groaning noises like he was in pain. Having one hand bandaged wasn’t slowing the boy down one little bit.

Hotch returned with two mugs of coffee, shaking his head as Jack toppled another solider and howled in agony from the confines of the bathroom. Reid curled up around his morning coffee like a dragon around a hoard of gold. He sniffed, he sighed, he purred. Hotch smiled, nudging him to make him scoot over.

“Aren’t you going to check your message? It might be important,” Aaron said, motioning to the phone.

Reid replied a quiet ‘no’, and continued sipping his coffee. 

“Plans for today?” Hotch asked.

“Contact the insurance company?” 

“I did that already.”

“Hmm. Ask if and when we’re allowed back in? Can I go back and box up our things while you’re at work?” Reid wondered.

“You need to check with the fire marshal first,” Hotch recommended. He managed to get his nose between Reid’s neck and shoulder, and once there, squeezed a kiss or two into the space as Spencer cringed and curled up tight.

“Mmmmnh,” Spencer squeaked. Hearing the sound made Hotch realize how much he had missed hearing it more often. “We need to assess the damage and find a contractor.”

“Morgan gave me a list of very reliable companies to call. He uses them for his properties when it’s a project too big to complete himself. We have two appointments this Saturday.”

“Maybe I should….” Reid started to say, when his cell phone rang again.

Jack burst out of the bathroom, and ran around in his bedroom, then ran back for the bathroom, slamming the door. Hotch frowned, put down his coffee, and handed Reid his phone.

“See who it is. I’ll be back,” Hotch murmured, heading towards the bathroom to find out what Jack was up to.

Five minutes later, Jack’s army men had been gathered up and placed in his room. Jack was washing his face and brushing his teeth at the bathroom sink. Hotch returned to the living room to find Reid was ending the call. He put the phone back down and gathered up his coffee again.

“Who was it?” Hotch asked, putting his nose in his own mug. 

“Strauss. She wants to see me in her office at 9 a.m.”

“That’s great!” Hotch grinned widely. Reid echoed the sentiment, sort of. “What about the other call?”

“Rabovsky from Cryptology. She needs a favor. I’m supposed to give her a call later when I’m at the office.”

“What kind of favor?” Hotch worried. A warning chill went down his spine. Jack was listening to their conversation. He was walking down the hallway, pulling on his tee-shirt. He was wearing half his pajamas still.

“I won’t know till I call her back, will I?” Reid replied. “Though isn’t it curious that she knows I will be at the office?”

“Would you like to go to work with us?” Hotch asked Jack. The little boy’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Go find your pants,” Aaron ordered. Jack gave a quiet cheer and disappeared into his room again.

“What do you suppose Strauss wants?” Reid asked Hotch.

“Hopefully, she’s come to her senses, and she’s ending your leave of absence.”

“Hopefully,” Reid agreed. It was equally possible she was going to tell Reid he was permanently out of a job, but Spencer couldn’t think about that right at the moment. It was not something he wanted to face.

“What the hell does Rabovsky want? I don’t trust her. She’s been trying to poach you from me for years,” Hotch grumbled.

“She is probably looking for help with a case. Cryptology is a very small department, and getting smaller by the minute. They’re in danger of being dissolved, of having their work sent to Fort Meade and the NSA. It’s Rabovsky, Rockford, Larsson, Ramirez, and Jung, except that Jung had twins, and it’s looking more and more likely that she won’t return. Her husband is pressuring her to stay home with the children,” Reid said, thumbing through the novels he had stacked up on the coffee table, presumably the ones which had crushed the M & M’s in his luggage.

“So, what are you reading?” Hotch teased when Reid picked one in particular up, purred as he rubbed the cover, and then set it back down. Spencer glanced up, shaking his head.

“Nothing.”

“You looked pretty interested in nothing,” Hotch teased again, snatching the book up before Reid could stop him. Spencer gave a quick shriek of surprise and alarm, wiggling around to grab and stop him. Aaron clutched him tight with one arm, read the title, put the book down on the table. He pulled Reid close, smothering his mouth with a passionate kiss. Reid stopped struggling around, nestling against Hotch and held on. He almost fell off the back of the sofa, but Hotch had a good grip on him.

“Mmmm,” Hotch whispered, breaking slowly away. “I missed that. I missed that a lot. So? The Desert’s Kiss? Does this mean you’re going to ask me to wear a Stetson and talk cowboy to you?”

“Yes, please,” Reid moaned, pulling him into another kiss.

“Hold that thought,” Hotch whispered back. Reid didn’t have time to ask why. Jack came running out of his bedroom, dressed in jeans and wearing only one sock. He was carrying the other sock in his grip. He latched himself around Hotch’s legs a second later.

“Let’s go!” Jack insisted. “Daddy! No more kissing! Get in the shower!”

“I hope you’ve got a good suit in your luggage,” Hotch rumbled in Reid’s ear as he patted Jack on the head and then disappeared to go get ready for work.


End file.
